Life just isn't fair, is it?

This is my 7th attempt to write in my blog this day. Mike was shocked that the last time I went to my blog I didn’t write. It was my birthday. I hate my birthdays. Not because I’m getting older. I can handle that. It’s the history on my birthdays. When I turned 10, we spent the day de-lousing my house & family. Not fun on any day, but especially on my birthday. When I turned 15 it was my brother’s funeral. Oh how that day is burned into my memory.
We never expected Benjamin to live, since he was born with down syndrome & a terrible set of heart problems. He did live for a while though, and we hoped the heart surgery would let him stay even longer. It was not to be though, and he passed away on June 30th. I was on a school field trip and didn’t get to hold him a last time to say goodbye. Then my parents asked if it would be ok if they had the funeral on my birthday. What could I say? I knew how badly my parents were hurting. I would have given them anything. I was already doing anything I could to get my father to laugh or eat. He was doing neither. My mom seemed to be handling it better, but that was not saying much. So on my birthday the funeral proceded. Everyone who came, sang happy birthday to me after the lunch. Nice, but I didn’t feel at all happy.
It took me years to recover. I don’t think my parents could see my depression through their own.
All this was brought freshly to mind this week when I found out that Char’s son Mason was in the hospital. I got Melinda and we rushed up there. We found Char and gave her a hug, and the juice & book I brought for her.
As we left I told Melinda I had a bad feeling about this. I didn’t think things would go well for Mason. Melinda insisted there could be a miracle, and told me about her father. I agreed there could be, but realist that I am, also said that perhaps the miracle would be that Char & Dave would be able to bear whatever happened with Mason. I worry for Char. Mike wondered if losing a twin would be easier or harder. I think both. I think it would be harder every time she saw the empty crib, carseat, or highchair. But too, I think it would be easier because she still has Lincoln to hold, to see smile & laugh. But that may just make it harder too. It also seems this would be I don’t know. The closest relative I’ve ever lost is my brother, Benjamin. We didn’t expect to keep Benjamin, though. We hoped we would, but we knew he might not make it. I think Char’s loss would be harder, because she never expected to lose her son. I don’t know. I also wish I knew what to do to help her. It took me years to heal from losing my brother. I’m betting it will take a long while for her to heal too. In the meantime I’ll still be praying for her, and contacting her regularly, even if it’s just to see if she wants to be left alone.