Irony and taking steps!

Michael & Joshua started school today. In order pry the information that I usually don’t get from them I resorted to asking absurd questions. I don’t remember all of them, but at one point I fell back to the usual of at least trying to find out what Michael ate.

“What did you eat for lunch? Worms?”

“Mama! No! I had applesauce, grapes, and even watermelon…”

He went on, but that was obviously the highlight of his day. I fear for his future. Is it possible to have a job where all you do is eat? I’d say he could be a critic, but that would assume he would actually eat NEW foods.

Although in that case, Joshua is an even less likely candidate. Unless of course I go with him and he eats what I’ve ordered. Why is it that whatever Mama is having is so much more appealing that whatever she cooked for the kid? And things he declares ‘yucky’ when on his plate are simply irresistible on mamas?

Ah the irony.

And the irony continues. I asked Mike to travel lots this summer so we could go with him. He took vacation and just stayed home. And now that the boys are in school again, and it would be difficult, if not impossible, for me to go, he’s gone again.

But on a more positive note, Nathaniel is progressing. A few weeks ago he first started standing on his own. Today, while he was doing just that near me, he reached for me and took a step. I was delighted, so naturally I moved away from him. He was upset, but took one more step and then grabbed my hand. We repeated this little dance for a few more minutes. Batten down the hatches it won't be long now!

Of course, just becuase he'll be walking doesn't mean he will be any more hazardous. He already empties the trash (onto the floor!), the cupboards, and all my laundry baskets. (Mama! Let's play guess which ones are clean or dirty now?)

Cake, check. Candles, check. Braincells.... ???

Today didn't go exactly like I imagined it would. I guess I imagined Michael would want what I had wanted as a kid. Lots of attention & goodies. Instead, after the treasure hunt I (and Joshua a little) created was over, and he found the NDS Zelda game, all he wanted to do was play on the computer or NDS by himself. I resigned myself to that, and Mike took off with Joshua. Nathaniel got a good nap and I was able to finish the book Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer. It was spellbinding. I kept checking on Michael periodically, and he was just thrilled with the unlimited electronics time I was giving him. To bad that will be over tomorrow. :) Later, we had exactly the dinner he requested, and then presents. What's a birthday without presents?

But the party isn't over yet. As I write I’m gearing up (mentally) for my first kid birthday party tomorrow. It’s going to be at the pool of all things. But, it’s Michael’s 8th birthday, and that’s special. I just couldn’t say no – and I really didn’t want to anyway. I think I may be more excited about it than he is.

On another note, Joshua is fun as ever. You’d think a 5-year-old would be over the “NO!” thing, but he’s just getting really good at it:
“Hey Josh do you want to help me?"
"No!"
Hey, Josh do you want to play outside?"
"No!"
"Joshua, do you want a cookie?"
"No!" Pause "Yes!"
"Joshua do you want to say no?"
"N-- Mama!!"
I probably shouldn't but I think it's hilarious. It is most likely just fueling his drive to say no, but I can't help it. I snicker almost every time.

And Nathaniel. In all of this Nathaniel is learning more than ever. He is able to stand by himself longer now and I can see it won't be long till he can walk. He's also learned he HATES his crib. Hates is an understatement. Loathes with every particle of his being would be a more accurate description I think. Every time I put him in there still even partially awake, he gets up and screams till I get him out. And if I put him in asleep, he screams as soon as he wakes.
I think he's figured out that if he fusses enough, Mama comes to get him, nurses him, and will fall asleep next to him. Sucker that I am, it works every time. Maybe it's time for that toddler bed. Then at least he'd have to come and get ME in the middle of the night.

I've got good news and bad news...

IT'S A BOY!!!
That't good news. Liza and Jared are excited, and I am thrilled for them. Having a boy first is awesome. It's also bad. Now instead of just giving Deborah the boy clothes and collecting the girl clothes for Liza, we have to split the baby clothes. Deborah said I should give Liza fist pick since its her first baby. I think the most fair way would be to take Liza with me to Albuquerque or bring Deborah here and have them split the baby clothes & blankets themselves. Wouldn't that be nice? All the peoples in one place...

"English, m@#!$%*#, do you speak it??"

As a mother of 3 boys I am often jealous of the moms who have a girl. Girls talk. They tell you about everything - often whether you wanted to know or not.
Boys do not talk. Michael went to his first day scout camp yesterday and the day before. He came in the door very dirty, and carrying a trinket. When I asked him what he did at camp that day, he sat down, furrowed his brow, and looked at the ground. "Honey, what did you do today?" I reiterated. He smacked his forehead, looked straight at me and said, "I don't remember." Then he ran off. What is this? Early onset of alzheimers? Wow. 2 days of scout camp, 8 hours a day really made an impression on him, huh?
I should know better by now. He doesn't usually tell me much. This was the first time I got a forehead smack and absolutely NOTHING. Every time I've asked him about school he tells me he ate lunch and went to recess. He can't even tell me what he had for lunch. The only way I know anything about what ever happens to him is if I or someone who can actually narrate was there.
More firsts: my sister-in-law is having her fist boy after having three girls. To tell me my brother called and said, "His name is Paul." So, that makes her a Paul-bearer. Ha! She is excited and appealed to me as an expert on all things baby boy. She needed to know what things she needed that are different for a boy. It came down to four things: clothes, bedding, decorations & toys. The rest is adaptable. I did warn her that her wardrobe will have to change marginally. She may need a rainslicker for diaper changing. If you don't know why, change any baby boy. ;)
My sister, Liza, is pregnant with her first baby. She had the ultrasound today. Her husband Jared called and told me they know what it is, but they’re not going to tell me. For a second I was confused and hurt. Why would they not tell me? I needed to know to be able to share clothes, and make baby blankets! Then he asked what Mike & I were doing tonight... because they wanted to tell us in person! So we’re going on a double date. I am almost as excited as I was for my own babies. Stay tuned for an update…

The good, the bad, and the ugly....

Some recents firsts for our family. First the good: Nathaniel has been standing on his own for a few seconds at a time. Still wobbly, but standing, then quickly foomping down on his bottom, or reaching for a hand.
The bad, Nathaniel is eating everything, and I do mean everything. Lint, carpet yarns, old food dug out from under the fridge... It's so gross! I've never had a kid shove anything he could get in his mouth before he even looked at it.
And the ugly: Joshua stuck a toy up his nose last night. He started screaming incoherently about 9:30 last night. I asked him what was the matter, and he replied, "I stuck deh diamond in my nose and now I tan't det it out." So I took him to the doctor and she very kindly got it out. It was a small pink gem that was flat on one side. Ugh. We had a lengthy discussion about what you do and do not put in your body. Only sounds in the ears, sights in the eyes, food in the mouth and air in the nose. Ah the things kids do.

And so begins the contest...

I have been searching for a while now to find a friend who needed to lose weight as much as I do. There are plenty who need to lose a little, but I need to lose a lot. I also needed it to be a contest, because the need to win motivates me. I finally found someone to fill this need: my sister, Deborah. We're both going to try to lose 20 pounds. When we both get there I am going to provide an airline ticket & a hotel stay in Portland so we can go have fun & go shopping together. We've also promised each other some $50 gift. And, whomever loses 10 pounds first will be treated to a Keva Juice by the other. And the first to lose 20 will get a $10 gift card. Woo! Now the hard part.... losing the weight!

Life just isn't fair, is it?

This is my 7th attempt to write in my blog this day. Mike was shocked that the last time I went to my blog I didn’t write. It was my birthday. I hate my birthdays. Not because I’m getting older. I can handle that. It’s the history on my birthdays. When I turned 10, we spent the day de-lousing my house & family. Not fun on any day, but especially on my birthday. When I turned 15 it was my brother’s funeral. Oh how that day is burned into my memory.
We never expected Benjamin to live, since he was born with down syndrome & a terrible set of heart problems. He did live for a while though, and we hoped the heart surgery would let him stay even longer. It was not to be though, and he passed away on June 30th. I was on a school field trip and didn’t get to hold him a last time to say goodbye. Then my parents asked if it would be ok if they had the funeral on my birthday. What could I say? I knew how badly my parents were hurting. I would have given them anything. I was already doing anything I could to get my father to laugh or eat. He was doing neither. My mom seemed to be handling it better, but that was not saying much. So on my birthday the funeral proceded. Everyone who came, sang happy birthday to me after the lunch. Nice, but I didn’t feel at all happy.
It took me years to recover. I don’t think my parents could see my depression through their own.
All this was brought freshly to mind this week when I found out that Char’s son Mason was in the hospital. I got Melinda and we rushed up there. We found Char and gave her a hug, and the juice & book I brought for her.
As we left I told Melinda I had a bad feeling about this. I didn’t think things would go well for Mason. Melinda insisted there could be a miracle, and told me about her father. I agreed there could be, but realist that I am, also said that perhaps the miracle would be that Char & Dave would be able to bear whatever happened with Mason. I worry for Char. Mike wondered if losing a twin would be easier or harder. I think both. I think it would be harder every time she saw the empty crib, carseat, or highchair. But too, I think it would be easier because she still has Lincoln to hold, to see smile & laugh. But that may just make it harder too. It also seems this would be I don’t know. The closest relative I’ve ever lost is my brother, Benjamin. We didn’t expect to keep Benjamin, though. We hoped we would, but we knew he might not make it. I think Char’s loss would be harder, because she never expected to lose her son. I don’t know. I also wish I knew what to do to help her. It took me years to heal from losing my brother. I’m betting it will take a long while for her to heal too. In the meantime I’ll still be praying for her, and contacting her regularly, even if it’s just to see if she wants to be left alone.

Happy Half Birthday Nathaniel!

Today is "My Thaniel's" Half-Birthday. Yep. He is officially 6 months old today. And to celebrate we got him: rice cereal! Woohoo. Not as great as a cake, but I'm hoping he'll love it. If it gets me a little extra sleep, then I'll love it too. It's too bad that Mike won't be here to see the first bite. He just loves the faces babies make when they try a new food. Perhaps I'll have to record it for him.

My husband, Mike, told me that the program he wrote for work said that he traveled 49% last year. When he told me this he was quite proud. It was more than anyone else in all 5 locations all over the country. And that was only for all available work days. If you took out the days he had off, then it is closer to 60%. I know he thinks that it shows the company that he works very hard for them. That certainly is true. But I wonder if he sees that the converse is true for his family? When does being really great for the company become really bad for the family? I wonder if it's when you ask your kid, "Where's Daddy?" and his automatic response is "Daddy's at work!" even if Daddy's actually home.

I guess I shouldn't complain so much about it though. Mike does work very hard, and thanks to his job we have more than enough of everything. I was talking to my sister, Nancy, yesterday, and realized that I complain a LOT. I don't complain about everything, but when I talk to certain women, I complain almost constantly. She said it was just a bad habit, and then I told her jokingly that even if I were sitting in a pile of gold I'd probably complain that it was too bright. Ok, maybe not, but I'd sure like the chance to find out!

Goals & Perspective

A new year. A new me? I wonder at setting the same goals every year, and then setting them aside as reality rudely intrudes. I think I will set better goals this year, more in-tune with my line of work.

• I will try to love my husband more.
• I will try to love my children more, especially when they are irksome.
• I will try to learn the lesson of the lost voice this December, and yell less.
• I will try to do one more thing that is good for me, my kids, my husband, or my house or all of them, than I really want to.
• I will try to want to be better.

I scrub my house, and do the laundry, and I wonder. Is that which I do menial, or meaningful?
Is this small corner of the world important? Will it ever matter that I made the floor clean and the shirt pressed?
I heard a quote on Akeelah and the bee – but they did not quote the whole thing. I just looked it up.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?"

But this quote gives no reason we should be powerful. In fact Akeelah’s quote makes me despair of being brilliant, gorgeous, talented or fabulous through the spit-up on my shoulder.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson

The real quote is more inspiring. As a child of God, I am transformed. The spit-up is the wonderful consequence of being a mother to another child of God. And THAT is important. Who else can love this child here, for Him? Who else can do the arduous task of caring for him, for Him?